It Was Not Just a Feeling
by mikareads
Summary: Set two weeks after the Season 10 finale. My first try at fanfiction so beware. Cristina just left for Zurich and misses Owen terribly, but is determined to stay focused on her career. With Seattle behind her, she furiously starts work on her clinical trial but is shocked to realize she may be pregnant. I suck at summaries, please read & review. Constructive criticism welcome!
1. Prologue

"Cristina?" a groggy Owen whispered as he began to wake up. The morning sunlight was streaming through the thin curtains of the trailer as Owen stretched his arms out to embrace the women sleeping next to him, but to his dismay, he only felt empty sheets.

Then the reality hit him, Cristina had left two weeks ago for Zurich. Cristina had left him. _I'm never going to get used to this_ , he thought to himself. As he got up to get ready for work he was consumed by thoughts of her, by how much he missed her, and by his deep desire for her to return to him, for her to come home. Deep down, he knows that her leaving is for the best, and that if she stayed, eventually they would both get hurt because the ultimately want different things. But how can something 'for the best' leave him feeling so empty and miserable, and right now all he can focus on is Cristina, and if she is as miserable as he is.

She stared at her desk. Well, more like the picture framed on her desk, deciding if she should leave it out or not. It was she and Owen, at their wedding. Cristina silently cursed at herself for wasting so much time on such a futile decision but looking at herself in that picture, in that long red dress, holding his face in her delicate hands, she was unrecognizable. The woman in that picture is a remarkably, happy wife, and the women standing in this office is an extremely, successful surgeon. _Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive?_ , she thought. But she knew the answer.

Her office door slowly opened and Dr. Shane Ross peeked his head through.

"Dr. Yang? I have assembled a new team and they are ready to be prepped on your clinical trial. The printers await."

Cristina snapped her head up from the picture and her thoughts moved from her ex-husband to her clinical trial. She felt a pang of excitement in her stomach at the word "printers".

"Yes Ross, I'll be right there," she said trying not to give way how eager she was.

As Ross left her office she took the picture of her past and put in the bottom drawer of her desk and shut it. _Out of sight, out of mind _, she preached to herself.


	2. Change

**AN: Thanks so much for those that reviews, I'm new at this and I could've never fathomed how the shortest review could be so motivating. I meant for the first chapter to be more of a prologue, so this one is much longer. Also, I apologize if this chapter seems dragged out but i just couldn't stop writing. I have a final ending in my head, but no idea how to get there! Please keep reviewing. **

Change

Owen walked through the halls of Grey-Sloan Memorial and kept his eyes trained straight. He knew everyone was staring at him, or it felt like it. For the past couple of weeks everyone would give him looks of pity as he walked through these halls, like he was some abandoned puppy, it infuriated him.

Dressed in a yellow ER gown, and gloves, Owen waited outside for the incoming trauma. He was standing in between Jackson Avery and April Kepner, who had the smallest bulge hidden beneath her scrubs. He could feel their eyes trained on him.

"Are you oka-," April started to say when Owen snapped back

"Stop asking me that, Kepner."

The ambulance pulled in and its back doors burst open revealing two paramedics working as quickly as possible, unloading a man strapped to a gurney.

"Male. 54. Facial lacerations with possible brain and abdominal bleed. Found on the street with his car wrapped around a tree. Unresponsive at the scene," one paramedic spewed out.

_Throw yourself into your work,_ Owen thought, _she did. _

Owen began to check the pulse of the patient by placing two fingers to his wrist as the gurney was ushered inside and towards the elevator. Jackson and April barked orders at the interns gathering around them, ordering CT's and X-Ray's to be prepared. But, they stopped abruptly when the patient opened his eyes and moaned in pain.

"Sir, I know you're hurt and scared but we're going to take care of you, okay?" Jackson leaned in to tell the patient.

"Ow." The man sputtered out hoarsely.

"Sir, I know it hur-"

"No, my wrist...stop." The man moaned again.

Jackson's eyes flickered down to the patient's wrist and gawked when he saw Owen's hand wrapped around it, so tightly his knuckles had gone white and his fingernails digging into his skin. Owen, once realizing what he was doing, let go immediately and backed away from the gurney, confusion furrowing his brow and shock parting his lips. The gurney was pushed past him and onto the elevator as Jackson turned around to face the chief.

"What the hell, Hunt?!"

"uh-I-uh," Owen began but really had no clue how to finish. He did not know what had come over him.

"You're off this case!" Jackson yelled back as the elevator doors began to close.

"But I'm the chief!" Owen shot back but the doors were already shut.

Owen Hunt entered the dark room, and ripped the yellow gown from his body and thrust it at the floor in frustration. Shadows danced across his face as he waited, hands enveloped in his auburn hair eyes shut.

_This isn't PTSD. I've conquered that. I'm just so angry. I'm furious, I know why she did it. I understand, but she left me and I'm furious. _

The warm gust always surprised him as his thoughts instantly cleared as the air flushed around his body.

"Owen?" A voice echoed into the room.

He turned around slowly, obviously surprised when he saw Meredith Grey standing there taking in her surroundings.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked, her voice seeming small.

"STOP ASKING ME THAT." Owen's deep voice boomed in the small room, panting as his eyes focused on _her_ best friend standing before him.

"Look," Meredith continued stepping forward," I know you're angry. I'm angry, too. She didn't just leave you, Owen."

Owen's face fell from angry to understanding, then sadness, which was all mirrored in the face staring back at him.

"How did you know to find me here?" Owen asked her. He only ever told Cristina about this place. _This is our place. This was our place, _he thought.

_"_Cristina once had me treat these vent burns she got after you guys, um, did it here."  
He smiled slightly, but that memory only caused more pain and his mouth frowned again. A silence formed between them.

"Let's go to Joe's," Meredith offered.

Owen looked relieved and began to walk out of the room, then turned around and saw Meredith standing on the vent, air gushing around her.

"Well, come on then. Let's go." Owen called over to her.

Meredith left the room smiling, "That was incredible."

* * *

"Good luck," Shane wished Cristina before she approached the podium.

"Ha," she started, "I won't need it," she told her student defiantly flashing him a half smirk; her eyes looked black as she set them on the podium, focused and determined as ever.

Cristina Yang cleared her throat as she prepared herself to address the sea of unfamiliar doctors' faces that patiently waited in the large auditorium before her. She introduced herself confidently and explained her gratitude for being able to work with such capable surgeons. Her speech started off flawlessly, until she felt it. A pit began to grow in the bottom of her stomach. There was a bright light shining on her which harshly shadowed the audience and all of a sudden she felt something she rarely felt, nervous.

She cleared her throat again.

"The goal of the clinical trial is to successfully print a human, beating heart…"

Her own heart was beating furiously. _Come on, Cristina. You never get nervous. Come on_, her thoughts raced.

"…that is, uh, both suitable for transplant an-and can…"

She felt her pores gleam with sweat above her brow and her knees went weak_. You weren't even this nervous when Burke showed up here. What the hell is wrong with you? Keep it together for God sake._

"…be sustainable with a patient… within! Within a patient for a lifetime."

Cristina squinted her eyes into the light and could make out some heads nodding. Someone in the front row took a sip of coffee and her mouth went dry. She knew the smell steaming from that mug couldn't be that strong, or that bad for that matter. She could picture herself sweating through her lab coat, which only made things worse. The pit in her stomach began to rise.

"Phase one will begin with gathering research and, um, testing…"

_Make sentences! Make sense! Make something, oh my God._ _That smell…_

Just as she began to open her mouth again to speak, she just as suddenly closed it and her hands zoomed to her lips pushing them against her teeth as her eyes went wide with panic, while her cheeks instantly flooded with the reminiscence of her breakfast. Cristina sprinted from the stage and fled the auditorium, which filled with confused gasps and whispers. She ducked her head into a garbage can and vomited  
until her eyes began to water.

Immediately after she made a beeline for her office wiping the corner of her mouth with her sleeve. She closed the door to her office and went behind the closet door and stared at her reflection in the small mirror nailed to the wall. _What just happened? That was so unprofessional! How could you let that happen? What is wrong with you? _Cristina gasped heavily and repeatedly in an out as she processed what just happened. And then the sobs took over her body; her small frame shook uncontrollably as she wailed deeply but softly.

"I want to go home," she whispered so quietly she wasn't sure it came from her.

She stared at herself sobbing.  
_Who are you? _


	3. The Last Time

**A/N: I'm back. Sorry this took so long and thank you for being so patient. I will try to update soon after this. Enjoy! and please review :)**

The Last Time

"How bout' that one?" Meredith asked Owen, pointing to a woman across the bar. They sat at the counter of Joe's facing away from it, with multiple shot glasses lined up behind them.

"No."

"Come on. You have to be attracted to at least one of these women. It's biology."

"Sure, these women are very attractive. But I'm just not _attracted _to them."

"Owen, she's been gone for almost two months. You have to move on eventually."

"Have you?" He asked as he turned to her with a raised eyebrow.

"No." She said as he looked away knowingly.

"Exactly."

The two became unlikely friends in the absence of Cristina; both of them feeling loss and understanding exactly how the other feels. He is the first to turn towards the counter, fed up with their game of scouting out other woman, a game Meredith came up with when the topic of his sex-life came up. Owen stares at the bottom of one of the shot glasses, chewing the inside of his lip.

"You really loved her." Meredith said aloud without thinking, as the thought came to mind.

_I'll always love her, _he thought. But only replied with a simple, "Yes."

Owen let out a long sigh and grabbed his coat from his chair, standing from where the pair has been sitting for hours.

"It's getting late. Want to split a cab?" he offers.

"You go, I'll just finish this drink."

Just as Owen leaves the bar, Meredith's phone starts ringing from her purse beside her, getting to it by the third time it rang.

"Hello?" Meredith answers, trying to stop herself from slurring.

* * *

Cristina pulled her head from the toilet bowl for the fourth time this week, and slumped against the wall in exhaustion. Her clinical trial had really taken off, despite the incident in the auditorium, which kept her busy working almost all hours of the day. Although, she couldn't let some bug she picked up slow her down now, she kept her mind focused on work. But right in this moment, her thoughts drifted as other things came to mind.

_When was the last time I had sex? _She couldn't remember. She knew whom it was with, she'd never forget that detail, and where it happened but for the life of her she could not think of how long ago it was.  
_It feels like a lifetime, _she thought to herself_._

Cristina got up from her spot beside the toilet and walked through her modern, but messy, apartment. She was still in her pajamas, her favourite, red, sweat pants with "STANFORD" printed across her butt and a baggy; grey V-neck, as she walked to the fridge to make breakfast. Her appetite had increased recently, forcing her to cook more than she preferred.  
_Probably just stress eating from the working so much_, she reasoned as she closed the fridge door, her eyes catching on the small Seattle magnet holding up the calendar on her fridge. Her gaze shifted from the magnet to the calendar, realizing how long it's been since she had sex is the same amount of time as how long ago she left Seattle.

_Damn. Seven weeks. That's the longest I've ever gone without…_

She was going to finish that thought with "sex" but something more important came to mind.

"Oh shit," she cursed aloud as she realized she was about seven weeks late on her period. Her eyes filled with shock as she continued to stare at the calendar, frozen, not able to move as her brain processed what she, as a doctor, already knew. After a long pause, Cristina ran up to her bedroom and scrambled across the bed, digging through her purse for her cell phone. She sat upright, as she quickly called the first name listed in her "Favourite" contacts, chewing her bottom lip as she listened to the ringing anxiously. She waited three rings before someone answered.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end answered, somewhat slurred, but Cristina barely noticed as the familiarity of the voice made her guilty for not calling sooner.

"Meredith," Cristina started to say but could not convert the rapid fire thoughts flying through her brain into words fast enough to finish.

"Cristina? CRISTINA! Why haven't you called me? Or returned my calls? For God's sake, Cristina, seven weeks is way, too long."

"Mere, hi. I'm sorry I haven't called. I've been really busy, you know. But I miss you! How's everything?" She tried to sound casual.

"Grey-Sloan is still in mournin." Cristina could hear music coming from the background of the call and listened to the slurred speech of her person, she had heard many times before.  
_She's totally drunk_ _at Joe's right now. God, I wish I were with her. _

_"_But we're chugging along," Meredith continued, "How's everything with you?"

_If there's a time to tell her, it's now. She'll probably take it better intoxicated._

"I think I'm pregnant." Cristina sputtered out quickly.

There was a long pause on the other end, which made her anxious. She focused on the bar music.

"You are the most fertile woman ever." Meredith replied, laughing a little at her own statement, a statement that did not help Cristina at all. 


	4. Believe it

**A/N: I didn't edit as much out this time as you guys wanted longer chapters and I tried to get it up faster, as well. There's a lot of Mertina in this one, but who doesn't love the twisted sisters?**

Believe It

Cristina turned over; wild black curls sprawled across her pillow, as she willed herself to continue sleeping. Since her unhelpful phone call this morning, she'd been lying awake all night, thinking about what was growing inside her. She thought about her options, all though she was well aware of all of them, this being her third pregnancy.  
_  
She's right; I am the most fertile woman ever_, she thought back to Meredith's slurred voice from the phone call_, and I never wanted kids. The irony…_  
She stayed awake, waiting for Meredith to wake up after her night of drinking, and realize the bomb Cristina had dropped, and call her back. She needed sober Meredith right now.

She got what she wanted when her plea was cut short by the ringing beside her. She quickly reached over to her bedside table and answered the phone.

"Hel—"

"Cristina! You're pregnant!?" Meredith's voice cut her off.

"Yes, I think so."

"You think so? Have you gone to a doctor?"

"I haven't even peed on stick yet, but I can just feel it."

"C'mon Cristina, we both know you can't be certain unless you take a test."

"It's not just a feeling, Mere. It's more. I can't explain it. I know I'm pregnant, but I'm going to get checked out tomorrow anyway."

"So…"

"So, what?" Cristina asked confused at what her friend was thinking.

"So, you're getting an abortion? Right?"

There was a long pause before Cristina answered. She knew Meredith was just using logic, thinking that this would just be another aborted baby. But it kind of stung, the memory of her previous abortion still fresh in her memory, how awful it felt, but is what she needed to happen at the time.

_Is that what I want now?_ Cristina asked herself. She had never wanted to be a mother. Never. She wanted to be a surgeon, not just a surgeon, a cardio-goddess. Her career would always come first, and she didn't want to be that kind of mother. But now, she owned a medical research institute. She was about to reach the peak of her career with her clinical trial, and she couldn't help but feel something was missing from her life. A tear rolled down he cheek as she answered Meredith's question.

"No." The tears kept falling, "I'm keeping it."

"Seriously?" Meredith exclaimed, happiness flowing from her voice.

"Seriously."

"How far along do you think you are?"

"Well, I haven't had my period for seven or eight weeks."

"Wow, I can't believe you're doing this."

"I know."

"Wait. Seven weeks ago, you were in Seattle." Meredith realized.

"I know."

"This is baby was made in Seattle! This is Owen's baby!" Meredith yelled as she connected the dots.

"Would you keep it down, I don't want anyone back home to know yet. And do you really think I would keep anyone's baby, besides Owen." Cristina said so casually, like it was fact the whole world knew.

"Okay, I won't tell," Meredith said smiling. She loved how much Cristina loved Owen. "But I'm coming to visit you."

"Yes!" Cristina said desperately. She missed her so much.

"Shit." Meredith cursed as she realized she would have to take time off work. And leave her baby, who was still breastfeeding. And explain to Derek why she needed to suddenly visit Cristina, who she is still fighting with about not moving to Washington. Her clinical trial was going slower than she wanted, and to top it all off, she just found out she has another sister. The timing was bad, but she needs to see Cristina, "Give me two months. I'll be there."

"Okay." She replied yawning, her eyes tired from lack of sleep and crying.

"Take care of yourself. I love you." Meredith said before she hung up.

* * *

**Two Months Later**

The gentle waves rocked the boat slightly, the two men sat staring into the abyss of the deep lake, fishing poles loosely held in their hands. It was Derek who broke the silence.

"Addison is coming back to Seattle."

"Really? When?" Owen said desperate for conversation after drowning in his own thoughts for so long.

"Tonight."

"What a coincidence that Meredith left for Zurich this morning."

"Yeah, thank God. That would've made it a little awkward."

"Awkward? You two seem well past everything that's happened when you were married."

"But Meredith and Addison have never really clicked. And she's angry with me right now, so I don't think she'd be too happy about Addison and I scheduling play dates. We've never met each other's kids, you know."

"I don't know." Owen said passive aggressively. He had to admit, he was envious of his friend's life, he was happily married to the woman he loved and had two, beautiful children, two things he could not have.

"Oh, sorry." Derek apologized realizing that he may be rubbing his life in his face.

"Don't be," Owen sighed, "I don't want them anymore, and well I do, its complicated. I want kids, with Cristina. But she has moved on and I know we can't be together anymore. I get that. I will never be in love with another woman. Not the way I was in love with her. And I don't want kids with another woman, a woman I don't love entirely.

"Have you ever thought about adoption?" Derek asked.

"No, should I be?" Owen was definitely open to idea.

"Sure, why not? You want to be a dad, and you don't need someone to make that happen. All I know is, adopting Zola was one of the best things I've ever done."

The silence crept in again after that, as Owen had a lot to think about.

_Why not adopt? It seems like a good enough idea. I mean, I want a kid and I want to be a father. I don't care if we share blood, it doesn't bother me at all. I've even considered adoption before with Ethan Dawson. _Owen thought back to the 10-year old boy he bonded with after his parents died in the hospital_. What's stopping me from going through with it this time?_

A pit grew in his stomach at his last thought, as he figured out the answer. Which brought him back to his original problem.

_I want my child to have a mother._

* * *

Cristina waits impatiently at the airport, holding two cups of coffee. The airport is busy but she keeps her eyes locked on the escalator where a small, blonde woman should appear at any moment. Finally she spots Meredith descending down, waving at her, clearly just as eager to see her. When she reached the bottom, they hugged. Something they didn't do very often when they were together, but this separation was hard on their friendship. The pair could not stop smiling, another thing they did not do often; being the dark and twisty women they were.

"God, I've missed you so much." Cristina said pulling out of their hug, while handing Meredith a coffee, "How was your flight?"

"Some turbulence but a breeze compared to other flights we shared."

With all that's been happening, Cristina almost forgot about the crash. Something that turned her world upside-down, seemed so far behind her.

"We've been through so much."

"I know, which is why I know you can get through this." Meredith scanned Cristina up and down then stopped, smiling at her stomach. Cristina, usually being as petite as Meredith, was now sporting a small bump beneath her T-shirt and leather jacket. Cristina noticed how she was looking at her and felt somewhat uncomfortable.

"Come on, let's get out of here. You probably want to go sight-seeing and we have so much to catch up on." Cristina offered wanting to know about what was happening in Seattle.

"The only place I want to see is yours; the giant chocolate factory of a hospital Willy Wonka gave to you."

"Ah, my other baby." Cristina joked, leading the way to the car.

**Two Weeks Later**

"I still can't believe you're having this baby." Meredith told Cristina for the second time during her trip here. The first being when Cristina was lying down with her hospital gown pulled up, while cold gel was being spread across her belly. It was routine checkup but very memorable because it was when she printed out the first ultrasound picture, and also when Cristina found out the sex of her baby: a girl.

"Believe it." Which is the same thing she replied with during that ultrasound.

But now she was going back to Seattle, as they started throwing Meredith's things back into her luggage.

"I still can't believe you have another sister. And she's Webber's kid. And I hired her."

"Touché." Meredith retorted. But not wanting to think about Margaret she changed the subject.

"Are you going to tell Owen?"

"Yes, he deserves to know."

"When? How will you raise it? Back and fourth from Seattle to Zurich?"

"I don't know, I haven't figured it out yet." These questions were annoying Cristina. But more because she didn't really have the answers to them.

"How will you tell him?"

"I don't know. Text him?"

Meredith's mouth fell open slightly in shock that Cristina could think that was okay.

"No, you absolutely cannot text him about this. This is big news, life-changing news."

"Then how should I tell him?" Cristina asked. It seemed as if Meredith was expecting this question, like she steered the conversation into going this way.

"In person!" Meredith exclaimed as if it were obvious.

"I don't think he'll fly here unless he knows what it's about." Cristina said still oblivious as to what Meredith was hinting at.

"Cristina, I'm about to get on a plane to the exact place the person you need to talk to is," she explained, rolling her eyes, fed up with Cristina's cluelessness, "Come with me. You don't have much time before you can't fly anymore."

"What? I can't just go back. If I raise this baby, it needs to be here. Where I can be a surgeon and a mother. I don't have that luxury, there." Cristina put a lot of thought into this before Meredith got here. She could make her own hours here, and the research center was never short on money, so she didn't have to worry about funding her trial while raising the baby. She also got paid more; her daughter would have a better life here. She didn't want to be a lousy mother because of her career but working in Switzerland changed that.

"Raise this baby wherever you want, I'm just saying that it would be sad if Owen wasn't apart of it. And wrong if you didn't tell him in person."

Cristina chewed her lip, thinking about what Meredith was telling her and hating that she was right.

"I can't just spring this on him. You're right, this is life-changing news, and he's moved on. We hold each other back." She argued again trying to prove her friend wrong.

"Cristina, he hasn't moved on." Meredith finally said, silencing Cristina.

"Oh. I guess we're packing two bags."

**A/N: Yay, she's coming home to Seattle (: Please review as I'm always inspired by your suggestions. **


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